“Mr. Jones and me
Tell each other fairy tales
And we stare at the beautiful women
She’s looking at you
Ah, no, no, she’s looking at me” — The Counting Crows 1993
I’ve forgotten years, decades even, of my own experiences.
I’ve come to the realization that, at this point in my life, I’ve forgotten much more than I can remember.
Now, as the Counting Crows play softly here in my home office, I’m transported back to that time in the ’90s when I went to the campus pub with my friend Alan and we moshed (slam-danced) until we were…
“Two words: deaf chick. It doesn’t matter if I can’t talk ‘cause she can’t hear me.” — Raj Koothrappali explaining the type of girl that might be attracted to him
You probably remember the character Raj Koothrappali from the hit sitcom “The Big Bang Theory”. He was the brilliant astrophysicist who was also brutally awkward with girls.
Poor Raj had a tough time in the dating world because he was so nervous in the company of a female that he couldn’t utter a complete sentence. …
At about 9:30 a.m., I turned away from my laptop, leaned back in my swivel chair, pulled down my mask, and took a sip of the piping hot black coffee that was just delivered to my desk. I could see that everyone else in the office was doing the same.
We all spun around in our chairs and kind of wheeled ourselves into position so that we were more or less facing each other. This little impromptu meeting of colleagues happens every day. We call it Coffee Club.
At Coffee Club, we don’t talk about work. On that day, the…
On the evening of July 18th, 2016, when now First Lady Melania Trump was introduced to the world at the Republican National Convention, she delivered a speech that many have claimed was plagiarized from Michelle Obama’s 2008 Democratic National Convention speech.
Once the gaffe was identified in the media the next day, there was at first a denial from her husband Donald Trump’s campaign team, and then there was an admission of guilt. It wasn’t her fault, some had said. It was the speechwriter.
They asked the public to believe that she was the victim, not the perpetrator of this…
My friend Sandra has gained 43 pounds since the start of the Pandemic. Prior to March, she had been going to the gym regularly and eating well.
After the gyms were shut down, Sandra’s habits took a turn for the worse. She never really got into a routine of exercising at home, and her diet also went progressively downhill.
Nowadays, her gym has reopened but they only allow a limited number of people in at one time.
Yesterday, she tried to book an appointment online but the slots were all full. Sandra drove down to the gym, and waited in…
I have two superpowers. The first one is that I’m effortlessly polite. To strangers.
I’ve observed this to be a rare quality in people. For example, whenever I walk down the hallways at work, I’ve noticed that most folks will look at the ground, into space, or at their phones when they pass others.
A tiny bit rude.
Me? I look directly at the person I’m passing, almost daring them to look back at me, and if they do, I give them a ‘Royal nod’, which is basically a slight tilt of my head and a closed-lip smile.
Sometimes it’s hard to get out of bed when there’s no place to go. What do you do when that happens?
And scrolling through job postings on the internet brings about a new kind of emptiness.
Karen peeks her head into our computer room.
“Did you try emailing that Morris guy?”, she asks.
I did. He never responded. There are no new messages in my email and no other real opportunities on the horizon. I’ve been out of work for 3 months, and nobody is emailing me back.
“Not yet”, I reply. “I’ll do that today.”
This job hunt is…
“There’s a boy in a blue coat staring at our house”
As I peered through our front window, I called out to my wife about the child that appeared to be fixated on our front door. It was a little creepy.
“He’s just standing there, staring,” I said.
Karen strolled over to the curtains to investigate with me.
“That’s Samuel”, she replied. “He’s autistic. He’s fascinated by the numbers on houses.”
Karen’s a teacher, and Samuel, apparently, is one of the students in her school. She said that he walks around the neighborhood like that every afternoon.
Samuel moved on…
President Biden’s White House Press Secretary Jen Psaki has been developing a reputation of deftly shutting down dumb questions from right-wing reporters.
When asked by far-right Newsmax reporter John Gizzo to comment on a secret memo circulating amongst Republicans that stated that Biden’s infrastructure bill was actually “1 trillion dollars off”, Psaki encouraged Gizzo to take a look at the numbers in the bill, get out his calculator himself and compare them to the secret memo.
A few years ago, a postal worker was fired for stealing gift cards—a measly $200 in gift cards, to be precise.
“It probably wasn’t the first time she stole something,” my wife said when I read the news article to her. “She just got caught this time.”
“You can’t assume that,” I replied.
Strangely, even though the postal worker had taken the items out of an envelope addressed to someone on her delivery route, she still delivered the empty envelope to the correct house.
The receiver eventually filed a complaint with the post office, saying that the cards were missing…